Long Time No See: The Lucy Chronicles

I don't even know if people read this shit.

Probably not, but that's a good thing.

You see I'm writing this not so much for the benefit of a potential reader, but for my benefit. To see what happens in time, weeks, months, years after this moment in my life transpired. To see how I felt them and to reflect on the saga that I know awaits.

I really don't know how to get into this subject....

I guess I'll start off by saying I have a major crush right now.

It all started about 3 weeks or so ago. A friend of mine now has roommates living with him. Hence the term roommates right?

Well I can't stand one, but that's for another day. Instead of focusing on her, let's talk about the good one.

So the first time we met was 3 weeks ago. We were talking and somewhere into the conversation she claims to be addicted to sex. And that point in my life and I guess even to today I believed I knew everyone. That there were only so many different personalities. I believed that I knew everyone, that I could label them, that I could mark them as predictable. When she claimed to be a sex addict I shrugged it off believing it was just something she said cause she thought it was something I'd want to hear. That she was trying to sound cool.


Well my friend calls me, he has the money he owed me. Well on the phone he says his rommate (the bitch not the good one) has an offer for me. She says she'll not only pay me back, but she'll show and perhaps even let me touch her tits. Well I was in a position where I was desperate for that type of attention regardless of how tainted and manipulative it was. Needless to say I've yet to see a dime or boob from her. I hope she gets cancer.

Anyways my friend goes to score some "party favors" if you catch my drift. This leaves me in the living room with the good roommate (we'll call her Lucy) and some guy I just met. This gentleman seems to be a bit older than the rest of the crowd, I'd peg him at late 20's to early 30's. He starts bullshiting with me about shit I couldn't begin to care about. Being polite I threw in the occasional nod and agreement as to indicate I was in fact paying attention to what he was saying. Well somewhere into his boring tales of kitchen ware and landscaping Lucy says she's allergic to something. She was apparently breaking out earlier and she now has this cream for the allergies. She asks the man with the amazing boring stories (lets call him Jimmy) to rub her back.

A bit awkward for me, but nothing too obscene in my eyes. I roll with the punches, listening to them talk or perhaps participating in a conversation with Jimmy, I'm unsure as to what happened. Well Lucy says everything itches. Her back itches, her tummy itches, her tits itch. Again I think nothing of this. I then watch as Lucy's shirt comes up, her bra elevates, I come face to face...sadly for the first time with the breasts of a female. I was taken back, I couldn't believe what was going on as I watched him rub her breasts, yet I couldn't pull my eyes off the scene. I had too many moments in my life that I've lived to regret, I didn't know when the next opportunity would arise and I didn't want to regret not seeing her topless.

After this uncomfortable moment passes, I begin to realize that she is what she claims to be. A few moments later Lucy says she needs money for cigarettes. Now this is where this blog gets fun if you'd like to call it that.

I tell her that I have 2 dollars, but it's gonna cost her. She asks what I'm talking about, I follow it up by miming out what I had just seen. She agrees to let me touch her breasts. She approaches me, and once again removes her bra giving me an up close look this time. I begin to fondle her firm breasts, taking in the entire scenery of it all. I then get the bold idea to ask her if I could suck one. She agrees and I find the same lips I planted on the forehead of my 11th month old cousin hours earlier now placed around the nipple of a girl I had met only once before.

The funny part is...I had 60 bucks in my wallet. She could have made off like a bandit, but needless to say I was more than willing to part with 2 of those dollars for such an experience.

In celebration I decided to withdraw a bit of weed from my secret stash. We get pretty high, putting a topper on the night.

I watch and notice that after that incident she makes note to make eye contact with me. Now throughout the night there were multiple people coming in and out. So I find it a bit of a positive sign that she'd look at me before, during, or after a story whether or not she was addressing me at the time or not.

She leaves later on in the night and I'll address that later.

Well she get back the next day and again it's rub time again. This experience was much different from the other. It wasn't Jimmy this time, it was my friend, her roommate. He started rubbing on her pretty much without permission, like he just starts touching. I watch as he rubs her back, her stomach, her tits, and even her ass. I begin to question where I stand after witnessing such a thing. My doubts our put to ease when she goes on to tell me about how he once demanded that she either find him some action or provide it herself. In not such pleasant terms. Needless to say she didn't comply in either form of the request. She then goes on to say that he doesn't have a chance, that she doesn't want him to get the wrong idea, and she even searches for the right way to tell him she isn't interested.

This puts some of my fears to bed. I watch the door close on him while wondering about the status of myself.

See the thing is......

There's kind of a guy.

She really likes him and apparently he really likes her. However, he's got a girlfriend and apparently she's not too heavily committed seeing how friendly she was to me among others.

But see the thing is....

They fucked the first night, they fucked again the next afternoon. He says he loves her, but she isn't sure if she believes him. He still has a girlfriend and she's still just as promiscuous.

As for me I don't know. While she does like that guy, the doors aren't necessarily closed for others. I've reviewed what happened and I'm still kind of unsure of everything. Is she interested? I want her to be, but at the same time I don't know what I want.

I feel like I have a decent chance of sleeping with her, but I'm beginning to wonder if even that would be enough. I feel kind of like if that were to happen that I'd want more. I'd at least want another round, but more importantly I feel like that contact may not be enough. I feel like i might need a relationship. Someone who legitmiately loves me, someone that believes in me, someone who isn't obligated to care about me, yet does anyways. I guess I'm looking for something real, a full on commitment which seems far from likely at this point.

Following my latest fling...a whopping two years ago I don't know what to do. After being denied by this girl I once knew, one I felt believed in me and understood me. One I felt like I could trust and tell anyone to. We talked for hours and hours, online, text messages, what have you. After that ended....I was at the lowest I've ever been. I considered ending it, which is something I never hope to think of again as well as a place I never want to find myself again.

By realizing what happened last time, I feel like the grip is loosening a bit. Still though I can't help but to think about her. She hasn't left my mind since our encounter that night. She's changed how I feel about myself, how I feel about life in general. I find myself much more confident, much more happy.

I'm preparing myself for a proverbial walk in the dark. I don't know what lies ahead, but I can only hope for the best. However, after convincing myself that something is bound to happen, if it doesn't...I don't know what I'll do.

So here it is, the beginning of a new chapter of my life. Something that will ultimately change my life, hopefully for the better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is....

I'm in love, and I hate it.