Purgatory

He wants to talk, but he remains silent.
Slowly becoming an outsider even within his inner circle.
If he doesn't speak he doesn't say anything dumb.
He hopes you'll care.
That the silence will provide a mystique.
Maybe it does, but it's a mystery not worth solving.
He's afraid to reach out, cause he can't gaurentee they'll be a hand to greet him
He's not depressed, he's just disappointed.
He watches the success of others while trying to numb his own downfalls.
He realizes that nothing happens if you don't take chances
But he's more comfortable with the rejection he does know than the rejection he could face.

He's going nowhere, and even so he's lost. He struggles for a new direction.

RAAAAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My laptop is such a piece of crap. It is a Gateway M-1625, for those wondering. It only has about an hour of battery life, and sadly, even a shorter amount of life due to the crappy fan in the computer that causes it to overheat after about 40 minutes of use. It is a sad day on Earth when a laptop won't even stay on long enough for its battery to die. And even worse, I took it to Best Buy a month and a half ago to get fixed after it heated itself so much to melt a component and no longer turn on. While there, I mentioned the problem, and nothing was done to correct it, as I received the computer back turning on, but still lasting only about 3 hours after being turned on. This has decreased down to 40 minutes due to the lack of a/c in my apartment, keeping the place perpetualy around 80 degrees.

Blogging for the sake of Blogging

Uhh, yeah... I don't have much to talk about. LIfe has been slow these past few weeks. Tutoring the past 2 Thursdays, almost out of alcohol, pretty much broke. Not to mope. I get $5 tomorrow, might smoke tomorrow as well. I'd almost prefer not to, I'm just not in the mood. A weekend free of people sounds absolutely fantastic. Though my friends are coming back into town tonight, so we'll see what shenanigans go down. Stupid cabin.

Stressed Venting

I'm infatuated with a married woman. She went to my high school for a semester before transferring due to being picked on. I was going to ask her out on her second-to-last day there. I was talked out of it by someone who I'm pretty sure doesn't like me today and most likely didn't like me then, as evidenced by this and other things. Anyway, we've started talking recently and she drinks now, and her husband is in the military and not around and she's absolutely gorgeous. Like, I must stop and confess my undying love gorgeous. And she's smart, a double major nursing and psychology. I have no idea what to do. I've invited her over for alcohol, since I'm 21 and can buy it and she likes to drink it and I hope to God that nothing happens that would ruin our friendship but if things were to happen I don't know how terrible I'd feel or how much I'd be murdered by her military husband.

On the next female note, there's another girl that I've been on and off with, sorta for 3 years. Not quite on and off, more like trying to make it on for 3 years and always striking out. First, I left for college which was six hours away. We agreed that with the distance, we weren't going to try anything but if we were both single when I got back, we'd go for it. Well, I came back engaged to a semi-bitch (everyone else sees her as a bitch) who I met online and she was hurt. Then I moved home, we worked through it and were close again and then she disappeared for a few months while dealing with being raped by a co-worker. Then we got close again and I had to move with my family two hours away because my attempts to get an apartment fell through. Now I've moved back and she doesn't want to date me until she's sure that I'm going to hang around. She's also got a boyfriend, but has stated that she'd rather be with me, just can't trust me to not move away. But in the meantime, she wants me to be the other guy. I don't know if I can do that. I really want to be with her and when I am, its all smiles, which is something I can't say for anyone else. But she's very sexual and I'm not, which is the biggest issue in the relationship. I have no idea what I'm doing in between making out and sex. And right now, we've basically agreed that if clothes don't come off, its not cheating. So I need to figure out what I can do...

*Sigh* I'm so incompetent.